Sunday, April 21, 2013

7 Year Crush


I met him in high school my freshman year during band camp back in 2004. One of my friends introduced me to him. She dragged me over to this tall lanky (but rather handsome) boy and rather than tell him my name she said, "Smell him." And that's how we met; in the most awkward, unsettling way possible. He smelled great.

I was extremely shy and depressed in high school. I had few close friends and no one really bothered to talk to me because they thought I was "intimidating". But not him. The only time we ever hung out in high school was after band practice but that was enough for me. We would go to Kennedy's and buy Big Burst (only the blue ones) and then walk to the bus stop on Shattuck Street that we dubbed "The Sexy Stop". If you go down there today, out names are still scribbled on the bricks arched above a canal. We would talk and antagonize each other with tickles. He would cheer me up when I was upset and I would give him my Jell-o from lunch.

One night I realized "I think I actually like this kid." Over the course of the next year, I would pursue his love. I wasn't subtle about it either. I wrote him a letter telling him how much I liked him, asked him to a school dance, my best friend was his cousin so I had her talk to him but all my attempts we futile. He just didn't want to be with me...not like that anyways. Eventually, I gave up. He was two years older, graduating, and moving to Maine. Eventually I started dating another boy in 2005. I just didn't want to be alone anymore and going after some guy who only wanted me as a friend.

 After a few months, my boyfriend and I broke up. I still had feelings for that tall goofy kid but I knew it wouldn't work out. Shortly before graduation, I told him I still liked him. He said he liked me too but I just assumed he meant as a friend. He left for Maine and I settled for the boy who dumped me a few month prior. I was content with my current boyfriend but sometimes I caught myself wondering "what if". What if I wasn't so shy? What if I was prettier? Would he like me? Eventually those feelings faded, though I did find myself checking his Facebook every so often.

Four years past by before we spoke again. Out of the blue in the spring of 2010, I got a message from my high school crush asking how I was. I was a completely different person from the person I was in high school. I was more confident even to the point of being cocky, I wasn't as shy, and I had developed from an awkward teenager into a young 20 year old woman. I told him how I was in college for interior design and need an extra year to obtain my degree. He told me he was graduating in May but  was currently working on a fishing boat. He asked if we could hang out sometime. I said sure just to humor him. I thought it would be another one of those empty promises old friends made to each other.


That summer, he messaged me again and this time with an actual plan to reunite with me. So the day after my 4 year anniversary with my boyfriend, I found myself sitting in the front seat of my high school crush's Chevy. That night we decided to be nostalgic and do everything we did in high school. We went to Kennedy's, we went to the bus stop, and after that we went to the park just to goof off. The whole time I loved it. The whole time I had butterflies in my stomach. And the whole time I felt horribly guilty. What was I doing! Flirting with some guy who had dropped out of my life for 4 years. How could I still even remotely want him the day after my 4 year anniversary with my current boyfriend. He had a girlfriend (I saw her picture on his dashboard) and I had a boyfriend (I kept reiterating that fact over and over primarily to remind myself) but from our actions that night, it did not seem like it.

He called me while I was driving later that week. My boyfriend answered the phone for me. I guess he didn't expect to hear my boyfriend's voice instead of mine because he never called me back.

In the beginning of 2011, my boyfriend of 4 and a half years dumped me. Heart broken, I didn't see myself with anyone else any time soon. About a month after that in February, I was sitting in a lecture bored and not paying attention. I went on Facebook and saw my high school crush had posted something. I messaged him asking if he wanted to hang out over my spring break and to my surprise he said yes.

He picked me in his truck and the first thing I noticed was that his girlfriend's picture was gone. Now, I didn't want to be in a relationship with him. But I wanted to get closer to him. We decided to watch The Fighter. The entire time he was doing that "I'm resting my arm on the back of your chair but I'm really trying to put it around your should" maneuver. Eventually he gave up and said "Feel how cold my hands are!" We ended up holding hands the entire time. He took me back to his house and long story short I woke up the next day dazed and confused in someone else's bedroom. "Well, there goes that." I thought. If this was only a one nightstand, frankly, I was glad it was with him. And that was the end of that.

Except it wasn't. He texted me a few days later asking if I want to hang out again. "BOOTY CALL" was all that was going through my head. But I was single, lonely, and loved being with him. He took the train down to Boston on St. Patrick's day to hang out with me. I wanted to know if I was just a booty call and what was going on between us. "I really like you" he said. "I didn't want to sleep with you that night because I thought it would ruin things." This was a surprise. He told me he has always liked me but didn't think it would work. He had gone off to Maine and I was still in high school. He would still be in Maine when I started college. He told me I "was the girl that got away" and that he wanted to hang out with me over the summer but when my then boyfriend picked up the phone, he felt like the biggest scumbag ever. He told me he wanted to be with me but I wasn't ready. I needed more time.

We hung out twice a week after that and texted each other constantly. I wanted to be with him so bad but I still wasn't sure if I was ready. I was heart broken and I wasn't sure if it would work between us. It was so sudden and so random.

Then came the what I endearingly call "The Cheese Incident". It was around 10 at night towards the end of March and we were texting each other. Somehow the subject of grilled cheese came up. I told him I wanted to make some but didn't have any cheese. He said he had a lot of cheese and I jokingly said to bring some. He went on about how it's too late, neither of us would sleep, he didn't even know how to drive to my dorm. He told me to give him my address and he'll visit in the morning. After that he told me he had to shower and get stuff out of his car. Forty five minutes later he texted me and asked where to park. "What?" "I'm on Longwood. Where should I park?" He drove all the way to Boston, in the middle of the night, to bring me cheese. And it wasn't like he came just to sleep with me (thanks Aunt Flo).  He came all the way down to Boston at midnight just to be with me (and give me cheese). A week later, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said "yes".

It took seven to get where we are today. Seven years for the right moment. Seven years were worth it. He still smells great.

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