Back in September, when college started for me, I still remember my first physics class at my university. My physics class was in a weird set up with circular tables in a large room where the professor would broadcast himself onto a series of flat screen TVs that lined the walls. So naturally, it was easier to get to know everyone than it is in a large lecture hall set up or even in a classroom set up. It was also a class that only physics and astronomy majors were allowed to take.
Directly across from me on my table, I noticed this girl, and I immediately thought she was really pretty. The next couple classes, she didn't sit on my table, but every time I went to class I would always try to catch a glance of her before and after. On Tuesday of my third overall week of classes, my physics lab started up. It was in a similar sort of room as my regular physics class. I noticed she was in it, so naturally, I hoped that she would end up in my lab group, or at least on my table. I hadn't talked to her at all yet and I didn't even know her first name. I don't know if it was by pure chance, or because I tried standing near her when the lab professor was arranging the lab groups, but I ended up sitting on the same table with her sitting directly across from me. Unfortunately, we weren't on the same lab team, but at least each pair of lab teams on each table got a chance to collaborate with each other (we also ended up adopting our lab seating arrangements in my regular physics class).
It must have been that first day of lab that I realized that I wasn't going through some fleeting thing I would forget about. I had a serious crush on this girl.
After the 2nd lab I asked her what her name was, she told me, and then I clammed up and didn't say anything else. I badly wanted to start a conversation with her but I really couldn't. Over then next couple months, that veil sort of broke and we did end up in a few short conversations. However, nothing developed between us. I was mostly just trying to figure out how to work up the courage to express some affection and not clam up every time it's just the two of us. I thought she was absolutely beautiful. Yes, I've been attracted to girls before, but she was the first girl I've thought to myself as beautiful. She's about my height, with dark brown/black hair, brown eyes, and very slightly tan skin. I admit it, I also thought she was very hot. But the thing that grabbed my attention the most was her smile. It gives her a radiance that really supersedes everything in her physical appearance. From the conversations I've had with her I was able to gather that she's rather soft spoken, very nice, and approachable. She also seemed like the type of person that's very open minded and comfortable in her own skin. I also thought it was adorable how she swooned over or physics professor (he was the kind of guy everyone loved). I suppose she's also somewhat artsy, but you really couldn't tell just from looking at her. She very unremarkable in the way she dresses and yet she doesn't wear the uggs, leggings, north face jacket combo that's apparently a school uniform in most large state colleges. She's also a physics major, and a deans listed honors college student. To my delight, she also happens to be from a town next right next to home. But all in all, I'm really frustrated that I don't know her better. Who am I to decide that this girl is so perfect for me, when I'm merely acquainted with her?
So on December 3rd, with the encouragement of a friend in my physics class who also lives on my floor, at asked her she was willing to go out to dinner with me sometime. She said yes, we exchanged numbers, and I felt elated. It was also really a shot in the dark since I didn't know if she was single (apparently she was). She doesn't have a facebook or a twitter as far as I know. Unfortunately it was the week before finals, so we really didn't have time. So then I hoped we could meet over vacation, but we never did. However, we did text a little every few days. Unfortunately, for the first part of the vacation she was visiting a friend in Boston, and then for the second half she was visiting family in California. She offered to meet me in Boston, but I decided not to. My reasoning was that I didn't want to interfere and frankly, I didn't want to risk getting stood up a forty minute train ride from home.
Once we got back to school, we ended up having brunch together one Saturday, so near the end of it, I flat out said, "I have to confess, I really like you." She seemed flattered by this, but she said that she really only thought of me as a friend and that she wasn't ready to date me. So, I acted cool with that. I just told her, that I really just wanted to get to know her not to worry and that I really just want to get to know her better. Fortunately, she was open to hanging out with me more often.
I really want to just befriend her at this point, so I at least have a better idea of who she really is.
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